Dream A Little Dream of Me

If you had asked me who I considered myself to be about two months ago, I don't think that I could have told you. Nights were spent with my head buried deep in thought rather than my studies and days were spent wishing and dreaming that I could be done with the cares and toil of secondary school life. To compare who I am now to who I was then would be like putting a diamond up against a piece of stone. That's all I was then really, just another rolling stone.
Today, I feel myself gleaming with happiness all because my dreams have put me on cloud nine. It's a funny thing when you dream about things such as love, friends and making up for lost times. I no longer wake up wondering if it was real, but rather waking with the notion that things are looking up once again. If you say your prayers, hope for the best, and have faith in those you didn't have any in before, God will find you and answer you...
Sweet dreams everyone

The Universe is Listening!!!

When you feel so low at one point in your life sometimes you might find yourself praying or asking friends for advice, maybe even feeling a bit remorseful for some heinous actions that you took during that time. Nevertheless, after you've seen the error in your ways, something good is bound to come out of it all. My life has come back, but it took a little derailment to get me back on track; a hard turn to make me realise that the road I was on was too dangerous to be on.
As we all know, people in our lives may come and go, but we all have that one special person who seems to come back around at times when we need them most. Maybe it's just a coincidence or a twist of fate, but when I was at one of my lowest points about a month ago, this person who I hold very dear to my heart happened to be back in town for a day.
Just seeing this person reminded me that all good things come out of the worst in life and being able to reflect on those things in a positive way will make you a stronger person.
No one gets confidence from holding grudges or staying angry at someone for the rest of their lives. It may takes years to find the courage to forgive someone for doing something that hurt you, but that courage will come, and when it does, you'll find yourself to be the better person in that situation.
I thought I was going crazy when I realized that this situation had hit me lit a brick, but in a metaphorically sense, I picked that brick up and threw it behind me, not holding it and waiting to get back at the person who threw it at me. You could be waiting years to throw that brick back, and that brick will become heavier and heavier as you age.
So chose to drop it, and move along with your shoulders dusted and your head held high.
No body could give me a full reason as to why this person in my life means so much to me, but I believe that the answer to that question lies within the passage of time; no matter where life takes us, we'll both know that we still care for the other, no matter what way that may be (platonically, romantically, etc.).
One thing is for certain is that each day when I think about this person, because they're the sweetest and most headstrong person to have ever known.
So to my readers and dreamers, never stop believing that there is goodness in everything and that you will rise above your anger and hard feelings. Life is too short to believe that wallowing in your heartache will bring prince charming marching up to your door step! You make that happen by going out into the world and finding yourself before you can find someone else.
Long may you dream!

How to have a Healthy Relationship as a Teen

Love is a funny thing, especially when you're only a teenager. You could be having trouble staying in touch because of school or sports. Your family could be struggling with understanding why you want to spend more time talking on the phone with your girlfriend/boyfriend rather than spending it with them. If any of these situation apply to your current or past relationships, then I have some advice for you! Personally, as a High School teenager, I've been through it all; puppy love, long term crushes, long term relationships, long distance relationships, etc. What ever you relationship ale, I have the perfect solution for your problems***.

If you are having quarrels with your parents
Having a new person in your life can be great! It's an exhilarating time for the both of you, but if your parents are not used to you being romantically involved with someone, you have to understand their backgrounds and beliefs on dating.

1. Avoid putting down the other person's ideas and beliefs. If you've ever been on the receiving end of someones tirade or put-downs, you know how valuable using respectful language and behavior can be. So instead of saying what you might be thinking ("That's a stupid idea!"), try: "I don't agree, and here's why." Resist the temptation to yell, use sarcasm, or make derogatory comments and you'll have a much better chance of getting your point across.
2.  The "Daddy's Little Girl" mentality: So you're a teenage girl and you're wondering why your father is always giving your boyfriend the ugly eyeball whenever he comes over, right? Well he has reason for that, and here are a few theories
• He has a younger sister (your aunt) that had dealt with bad relationships and didn't want the next young lady in his life to go through the same.
• Your boyfriend may have a style about him that your father may not understand.
• Your father maybe doing you are favor and you may not know it by saying "LOOK AT HIM! HE'S A CREEP AND YOU DESERVE BETTER!"
• He's afraid that you might be growing up to fast and doesn't want you to lose your innocence.
3. The "Mommas Boy" mentality: Now the other side. You're a teenage boy and wondering why your mother starts to treat you like a baby whenever your girlfriend is around. Well you know that saying "mother knows best" ? Here are her reasons for thinking this way about the new girl in your life
• She's afraid that your girlfriend will take on some of her motherly roles (i.e making you lunch or breakfast in the morning and giving it to you at school).
• You're her little boy and she wants you to stay that way.
• She wants to make sure that the girl you're with treats you right and knows how to keep you in line (won't turn you into a wild child).

Now that you can understand your parents views a little better, it's time to understand your girlfriend/boyfriend's views. If you never want to have an argument with them and stay happy together, here is what you have to do:

1. Know how the other person feels: ask the person about simple things, like how their day is or what they plan to do in the future. When talking to them (if in person or video chat), make sure you listen carefully to what they are saying, not missing little details or body language that could mean something. You may not be a mind reader, but you can certainly tell if the person is lying or telling the truth about their feelings for you by looking at their body language and tone of voice.
2. Trust. You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.
3. Honesty. This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground.
4. Mutual respect. Does he or she get how cool you are and why? (Watch out if the answer to the first part is yes but only because you're acting like someone you're not!) The key is that your BF or GF is into you for who you are — for your great sense of humor, your love of reality TV, etc. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries.

All in all, you deserve to be happy, and if you love the one that you're with, then it was meant to be.

Peace and love to all you little dreamers

DISCLAIMER
***this is not real psychological help, just research done by the author of this site for educational purposes. The statements made by the author are true, but should not be used to influence relationships that are in true need of counseling (i.e physical or emotionally abusive relationships). The bulk of the information has come from http://kidshealth.org/teen/ and may be used as a legitimate source for guidance.

Appreciate Your Life

A few weeks ago, I had heard a story from my mother about a young man that attended a high school that wasn't too far off from my own that had died in a car accident. He was any ordinary boy, even looking at his picture I dropped my jaw in awe that such a young life could have been taken from this world. Being in the same grade, I couldn't help but cry my eyes out after discovering that he died so young. Just going too fast in his car... Just like life.
I can't stress it enough to my friends and family that some risks in life just aren't worth taking. Caution and love is what will get us through this life. It has taken me a while to get to writing this piece because to sit down and measure someone else's life and then be able to tell all others to enjoy their life was hard. How could I look at this story and take anything positive from it?
I did not know the young man personally, but had close friends who did. Those friends mean the world to me, and I could only imagine the mourning that had taken place at their school. The family of this young man did not deserve to have such a tragedy occur, and in saying that I sympathise with them and wish them all well...
However, I must tell you that in order to know what living is, you must live in the moment! It is the very essence of this life that every moment holds; it must be nurtured and respected just as if in the next minute you were to stop living. Imagine, the next second, your heart stops beating...
Scary thoughts, but not thoughts that really should be feared. They are thoughts that one should relish in and accept. Death and pain are both very real things that could happen to anyone. People are dying all around the world from starvation, war, and diseases that no 'miracle' medicine could ever cure. I am blessed to know the sort of life that I am currently leading; one of good intentions and common sense. Nothing could ever strike true fear in me anymore, for it is fear itself that manifests that true feeling of life. Yes, this is the view point of a firm believer in the existential thinker, but my philosophy has kept my spirit alive since the first time I felt the truest of pain the the bottom of my heart (the death of a close family member).
My personal experiences with death and pain are no match to that which has changed my view on the world: 9/11. This day is the epitome of existentialism. One must accept the loss and grieving as a sign from what ever god you believe in that it is time for a major change in your life to begin. It's a wake up call; a trigger for the happiness in your life to start meaning less and for you to start feeling something other than rainbows and butterflies. Life is truly a precious thing and should not be treated like a piece of tissue, being used over and over again. A life like that becomes very mundane and boring. It may sound cynical, but painful experiences are the only experiences that we can learn from. From petty mistakes to something as extreme as losing a family member in an horrifying event, they all have the power to awaken the human spirit and let us feel real emotions; grief, pain, love for what you have, and sadness for what you have lost. You become grateful for what you still have, but at the same time are able to live with the pain that you hold inside for what you have lost along the way.
So live everyday as if it were your last and don't you ever forget how precious this life is... You only have one life, so make it count.

Running and What It does to Me

Running has always been a favorite past time of mine... even as a young softball player, running around the field for warm up had motivated me to want to go the distance and run that extra mile. When I started running in high school, it took on a new meaning. It wasn't just something I did to pass the time anymore, it was a new calling. It was a thrill that excited me enough to jump out of bed in the morning and want to run with the rising sun (most mornings I will).

My boyfriend thinks that I am crazy for waking up early in the morning or going out even with the girls at practice, but even when in a competitive state, running is my high. Drugs, drinking, smoking, none of that could thrill my mind as much as running does. When I breath in the air that sweeps along my face, I know that some how I'm running with the wind; it carries my every stride and whispers to me to never quit and to never back down when I hear the approach of the other girl's shoes behind me. When I go out for a long run, however, that's when I receive my ultimate high.

I can day dream, get lost in the lines on the pavement, or lose myself in the sights and sounds of the woods if on a trail run. Just today, I was day dreaming, closing my eyes every couple of seconds to picture myself running towards the finish line of a big race. I imagined running into the arms of my loved ones, all waiting to pat me on the back and congratulate me. However, it is not the winning of a race or the pats on the back that I crave the most out of competing in a race; it's the adrenaline pumping through my veins, the sweat on my brow, and the taste of blood in my mouth that I crave the most. Running is the most primordial sport in the world, so when you put yourself out there, you become as Jack London put it, "the primordial beast."

It's a being that awakens itself inside of you, pushing you to your limits and then kicking you in the butt telling you to go further than you have ever gone before. Truth be told, I am addicted to running, but since I know I have an addiction, I can have some control over it.

Like most addicts, I can't live without the high I get from it. If I can't even get out to do a simple 2 mile run, my legs feel more painful than they would if I had finished a 12 mile long run. My knees lock up, my hands start shaking and my bones feel like Jell-O. My mother worries, and I don't blame her for it; I worry myself sometimes, too. So here is my caution to all you would be athletes who wish to aspire to running great heights:

Do not mess with this sport. We runners may look like we're bored or tired or just wanting to die, but it's how we feel at the end of the run that keeps us coming back for more. It's deadly, it wraps you up in its glory and kicks you in the head once its got a hold of you............

So what does running mean to me?...

Running to me is a way of life, it's inspiration to make every day better than the last.

And if you ask me why I run, I can only ask you a question in return:

"Why do you Breathe?"

Peace to all,

and to all a good, happy, and healthy life.

I Never Minded the Little Things

My personal philosophy... summarized, because if you wanted to hear all of it, you might want to get some camping gear... It would take a good week or so to explain it all without getting you lost in metaphors and similes ;)

*****************************************************************************

Rain had never really bothered me, even when on one of my daily runs. Small talk made my day better because it gave the smallest thought in my head a voice. You see wind and say Oh no! Yet when I see wind, I see an opportunity to soar to greater heights. These things are small, but perfect to me, because all in all they make me feel free.

Yes, I adore the cold shiver up my spine in the morning in the fall and winter; it lets me know that it's time to embrace the day and live. Should it be strange to you that I love the pain in my legs when I beat my shoes on the pavement, then I feel sorry for you because when I run by you and see you just standing there, you're missing out on a wonderful feeling; still, I don't mind you staring at me, for it makes me feel proud of myself.

The coo of the birds, the smell of exhaust from an eighteen wheeler, and the splash of water on my face from a passing car; yes, these things I do not mind.

Optimism is the only true way of life because without even a little bit of it, you're sure to drown in your own self pity... So smile more, embrace the sunshine... and never mind the little things that could get you down.

Keep dreaming and don't miss out on tomorrow :)

Far Away, but Still Together; poetry for when you miss the ones you love

You start your days the same,

and yet I'm not there to feel so quiet and tame.
Your love clutches my heart when I'm away,

and it makes me wish you could hold me in your arms every day.

All my lovin', I will send to you,
all tied up in a box wrapped in blue.
The dawn is breaking,
and even though my heart is aching,
I still have to leave soon,
and dream of you when I look up at the moon.

Through the darkest of nights,
No matter how far you are from my sight,
I still love you all the same,
even when I'm not there to feel so quiet and tame.

(Ily ;) )

Birthday

I realized today that now I have made it another year in this amazing life, there are. So many little things I can do now that I couldn't do before. I can catch an R rated flick without having to fake my age or ask my date to cover for me. I am closer to being an adult, which is scary enough in itself, but no matter how scary life can seem, this is the one day of the year that everything makes sense.
Yes, another year older. Seems liberating to someone as young as I, but to some, it's just another reminder that the wrinkle on their brow is deepening and the medical bills are rising. I can only imagine what I'll be like when I'm a grown, middle-aged woman... I imagine having my own private psych practice in my home, an adoring husband, and two d arlings to boot; one boy and one girl, just like the family my mother and father created. Marie Alyce and Joseph Ethan, or maybe Douglas Ethan. I've always love the second boy name because they blend my grandfathers name and my younger brothers names into a fabulous family name. Alyce for a middle name for a baby girl because of my nana. Then maybe Harvey Robert for my other grandfather.
It's nice to dream of a future like this. I couldn't ask for anything better than that (except for a house on Nantucket or the cape). College will teach me how to be the psychologist I want to be, my parents will continue to show me how to live a life that's worth living, my brother will always be there for me, and my friends will never fade away from my memory.
It is so liberating to feel closer to my dreams as I have now turned another year older. So instead of gifts wrapped in strings and colored paper, I only wish to make the rest of today and this year perfect in every which way. Rain or shine, you will never see me frown or pout or scream or shout ever again. I love my life, so I think I owe one big thank you to the two people who made it possible...

Thank you mum and dad... You're the best parents a kid could ever ask for, I love you!

"Rainy Days Are Good For This" a poem for someone special

A poem for someone special

"Rainy Days Are Good For This"

It's grey and dark everywhere you look,

the rain just doesn't want to stop,

but you and I both know what that means.
Crack open that old story book,

play that rock and roll and let's dance until we drop;

Honey this is the kind of love you have in dreams.

Smell that damp air,

as you lay next to me tousling my hair.
Feel that cool, calm breeze
as I lace my fingers around yours with care.
Kiss me tenderly when the thunder rolls,
hold me close when the lightning crashes,
because we both know that in this place,
our fears are set aside.

Play me that Jack Johnson song,
the one about sleeping in bed all day,
that one about making banana pancakes.
Wrap your arms around me when the day grows long,
guarding me with their strength and keeping my fears at bay,
and kiss me again and again to keep me wide awake.

This is the perfect day;
not too hot,
not too cold.
Just damp and dreary...
Because rainy days are good for a love like this.

"Singing Lullabyes"; a poem for my parents

This poem is in special dedication to my mother and father, because without them, my dreams would have never been realized.

"Singing Lullabyes"

'Over in Killarney, many years ago....' my mother sang to me.

'Trot trot Boston, Trot trot to Lynn, watch out honey, you might fall in!'

my father shouted as I bounced on his knee.

Every time I bruised my shin,

or even had a youthful grin,

my parents were there,

watching me fly through time feeling light as the air.

Shoe lacing,

tongue tying,

or even a really good joke makes my father a king in my eyes.

Nerve wracking,

head scratching,

or even playfully proving my mother wrong makes my father a king in my eyes.

My mother,

his gorgeous queen,

with curls about her hair that could make any woman jealous,

she is the all powerful ruler of this home we live in.

Above all others,

in my eyes she gleams,

with love about her heirs that could make anyone love her.

As I am now grown,

my parents moanat the thought of seeing their baby girl go.

It's hard to imagine those days when I was so young,

to now be grown,

doing things on my own.

So a farewell to the lullabyes,

those days well spent,

and thank you to my family

for making my life so content.

............Better Now

A few weeks ago, my days as a dreamer had seemed to be over. There were no more dreams, only night mares. It scared me because when I fell asleep, I had no one in mind to help me find my way through my dreams. I feared that nothing could save me.

In dream psychology, there is such a thing as lucid dreaming, a dream that allows part of the conscious mind to be in partial or full control over the projections being put out by the subconscious of the dreamer. Many times when this happens it means that you are not getting a restful night's sleep, but in my case, I would beg anyone with such a condition... Until now.

You see, I try to write down all of my dreams that seem to have a good start, but can never finish it's description because towards the break of day, it all turns sour. Either someone is following me in the dark of my mind or I just want to find a high place to jump from. I'm always running... but it's better now

It is from research of my own sleep that i have found that when taking away sleep aids and adding positive life experiences that happen during waking hours to my memory, those memories imprint into those dark places hidden in my subconscious and shed light.

Recently, I have had one of the most positive life experiences and couldn't have hoped for anything better than what I have found. Head over heals for someone who I met by pure chance. How could this have happened to someone like me? My research, my notes, my time... all wasted because the answer to a perfect dream.... is love. Love is the answer to most every problem within one's life.

Webster defines love as so;

love/ləv/

Noun: An intense feeling of deep affection: "their love for their country".

Verb: Feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone)

 

Yes, the verb seems more meaningful in the state of mid that I am currently in, so in order to further my research as to how such person positively effects my dreams, I plan on pursuing this relationship and finding a way to spend every moment thinking of him... so in English (not in big psychology words), I'm better now because of him.

 

Thank you dear :)

Freedom within thyself is earned by yourself

A bit of self discovery can open your eyes to a whole new world and beginnings. We start out this journey young, and continue on through the ages, but as we age, we can lose sight of the freedoms that we once had as a child. Simple things like riding your bike across town or eating pizza and drinking soda. We put so many restrictions on our own lifestyle as we age that we bound ourselves to believing in those fru-fru magazine articles, TV ads, and Internet sights that tell you "your not good enough."

Let me tell you something, my little dreamers. It's not the media or your peers or those nasty on lookers that are to blame; it's you. You're to blame for being bound to believing in that garbage because you CHOSE to believe it. You made the unconscious decision to take those things to heart, then consciously you became upset by it and wrapped your life's meaning around it.

The problem with this is that your making yourself a bubble of self pity, holding up a sign that says "I have no self confidence." This is your kick in the butt.This is me waking you up saying that you need to exit that horrible bubble and enter into the real world, where people will respect you more if you respect yourself.

First things first, dust off what ever anyone said about you before, look yourself in the mirror, and pretend that you're telling off those horrible people; this will not only take a load off of your chest, but you won't hurt anyone in the process.

Next, find somethings that you can do on your own, like running, walking, or biking. Getting out and doing physical activities by yourself is not only good for your health, but will help you to become an strong, independent person whose personal outlook is better than ever made before. If you can do these things on your own, then you're on your way to becoming the person you've always wanted to be; strong, confident, and not to mention fit!

Finally, you must learn that not all things in life are bad. You can keep blaming yourself for the bad things that you had done and see past the good, or you can take the higher road and see that life is meaningful! You're an important person! If you dwell on the past, you'll stay there and you will never move forward in any aspect of your life.

That means you won't find a date (because you can't stop thinking about your ex), you won't ever win a race (because you can't stop replaying your collapse on the sidelines in your head), or you can't make the grade (because you can't stop thinking about how you failed before). All of these things will haunt you unless you learn to face them head on, explain to yourself that you're better than before, and that it will never happen again!

I didn't make this stuff up, it's real. This is how I got my life in check. Baby steps, little dreamers. Soon you'll all be on your way to making dreams of your own...

Enjoy life and accept the freedom that is within thyself!

Teenagers are strange, but I've seen worse...

There are often complaints from adults that teenagers "never have their heads on straight" or "we're always up to no good."

So let me lighten the load for you, my fellow teens and assure you that there are worse things in this world than getting busted for streaking in the park late at night... Really, REALLY, dumb things... laugh laugh laugh, but please do not attempt, you will go to jail.

1) A young criminal walked into a bank and quietly handed the teller a note demanding several thousand dollars. Disguised, the man could have easily gotten away. However, he had idiotically written the note on a piece of his own stationery; it included his full name and address.

2) One guy who did just that got arrested because he texted the message over his cell phone. (idiot)

3) A 14-year-old eighth grader from Omaha set off a bomb in his kitchen—a bomb he built himself from PVC pipe, explosive powder, batteries, an a model rocket ignitor while his grandfather, evidently completely ignorant of what his grandson was doing “over by the stove.”

4) 16 year old boy kills his parents over Halo 3. After sister Heidi called 911, Daniel fled in the family van, where police found him—the video game on the seat beside him!

These were the more PG stories, but a message to all parents who think that their kids are bad kids for staying out late (but actually coming home) and who vandilize... just get that kid to a therapist, who will tell him to cut the crap, and love your child! They just want your attention! If you turn your back for too long, the love is gone, and so respect for you or anyone else... No love at home + bad social life= criminal.

Now, I'm not blaming the parents of those who do these stupids things, but please be mindful of your child's actions. It's not neglect if you can't feel comfortable asking, it's just that you haven't the heart to force your child to face their problems, so in this case, therapy is the best option.

Television, movies, all of those things may also explain for such behavior, but still, be mindful of your child's life. Teenagers are dumb, but don't let them be criminally stupid like the kids in the stories above... I have my head on straight, so let's try to end the stereotyping of "all teenagers are up to no good" and make the older generations believe that we are good, mature people. After all, we're the generation right behind them.

Enjoying The Best Of What We Have

Another poem/song, written by your's truly.
In dedication to the one who makes my heart flutter every time he has me in his arms.

This one is for you...

You say you're going far away,

but tomorrow won't take what we have today.

Laying on the couch,

watching the stars outside colide,

wishing we could be like that;
just floating up in the air with no one to answer to.

Baby I don't even know what you're thinking
but everytime I look into your eyes,
I see all your fears and doubts subside.
You say we ain't got too much time,
so let's go for a ride and see love from the outside.

We're just looking in on what we've got
and the hours we have to work with,
but for you,
60 minutes or less is worth it.
Heaven forbid I never see you again
Because like or not I like you more than a friend...

Baby I don't even know whay you're thinking

but everytime I look into your eyes,

I feel all the tears well up,

my heart stops beating,

and for a moment or two...

I feel in love with you.....

You say you're going far away,

but tomorrow won't take what we have today.

The song is in the works, but I should have a tune for it very soon... It will be simple, but still meaningful. Thank you to everyone who has been keeping up with my blog!

Rock and Roll, take me away

It's one of the greatest genres of music that have shaped my life into what it is now. Rock music has been my motivational music, love music, BBQ music, you name it. So heres to all the great rock musicians who have made my life great!

To Steven Tyler of Aerosmith, who made getting ready for a date easier; "Walk This Way" made me confident with who I am as a young woman and "Rag Doll" is just my personal go-get-em' favorite. You are a man with wonderful talent and I thank you for your music.

To Nic Cester of Jet, your song "Are You Gunna Be My Girl" is my theme song. Big black boots and long brown hair... Nough said;)

To Adam Lavine of Maroon 5, you're good looks and charming lyrics saved me from so many bad break ups. "She Will Be Loved" and "Misery" helped me realize that no one is too good for me and that things like love are worth waiting up for. Thank you, you're such a babe.

To Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam, you're lyrics are so soothing and the sounds of the band take me away to breath taking areas such as the white mountains, long stretches of highway, and the grand canyon. Pure poetry, and it's beautiful. Thank you, sir, you're amazing.

I could rattle off more, but these four men have influence my life in such a way that I take their lyrics to heart. Keep on rocking it out boys, 'cuz I'm loving every minute of it<3

My First Kiss, Memories, and other tales from the back of my head...

Today's topic is memories; those things we cherish in the back of our minds that remain quiet until conjured up for one reason or another. I love to remember things from my childhood, especially my first kiss. I received my first peck young; 5 years old to be exact, but I can remember that day so clearly.

Kindergarten, best year of school. Sunny, spring day, and I was wearing my favorite pair of Oshkosh brand overalls with a blue and white stripped shirt underneath (Mom and dad loved those JCPenny sales on kid's clothes). It was nothing more than a child's crush, but none the less was still marked as one of the best day's in my life!

He wore a tonka truck shirt (typical boy!), blue jeans, and keds (everyone either wore keds shoes or sketchers light-up bottoms-- oh yes, we all remember them! those shoes were the coolest part about being 5!). It was 'quiet time' after recess, and we were playing pretend house (the game when you 'marry' your best male friend and live in a 4x4 cardboard box and that's your home for the next 30 minutes). In the middle of our game, I said "quick! look over your shoulder! There is something there!"

He faced me again and I planted the kiss. A peck, because when your five, you don't know how to kiss a person any other way. He kissed my cheek and I turned the brightest red when the teacher saw the incident take place. We both sat in time out together, holding hands, and said "we're going to be best friends forever!"
Sadly, we're no longer as close as we were, but when we see each other, we enjoy a good laugh about that day.

Memories are the most precious things a person can own. My best memories are the ones I tuck away in the back of my mind and dream on them. When we dream of those fond memories, we're reliving them. And who wouldn't want to relive days like your first time learning how to ride a bike!? Or your first date! Oh, such fond memories!

However, since we're talking about the past, I would like to bring us back to the present and what your doing now will effect those memories. Let me put it to you this way, if you die tomorrow, what will you want to be remembered for? Your wit? Your Charm? Or your good looks? See, I don't fear forgetting things; I fear people who have impacted my life in the past will forget about me. We all fear death in a big way, but in a bigger way, we fret about the life that we've lived.

I used to be a very self conscious person (between the ages of 5 and 13). Never really fit in because I wasn't the prettiest or the smartest girl (but personality wise, I considered myself to be a really nice girl).

Through out my elementary school years, I was tortured by the girls who had it made (if making big it in your first five years of school even happens? I mean, they were referred to as 'princesses' by there mommy's and daddy's! and boy, did they take that to heart); best looks, grades, etc.

Then, on our 5th grade graduation day, I came home to a surprise from my parents. My new bedroom was done! When they gathered around me to hug me, I almost cried. I remembered then in that moment how much I was already loved, and that to them... I was good as was.

Now that I'm getting ready to start my next transition in life (college, see last post if you wanna hear a funny story about my SAT's!), I only fear that the friends who helped me gain such confidence through out the years will fade into the future as we find our ways. It is inevitable that some will leave and won't be seen for a while, but to those whom hold a special place in my heart, they will never be to far away.

That same group of girls who I'm proud to call my sisters. The friends who I first shook hands with when we were still reading "hooked on phonics" books and trying to figured out the difference between 2+1 and 2x1. Yes, those wonderful friends who picked me up when I had fallen, and the ones who I would risk my life for. My sisters, confidants, therapists, mentors... I love them all.

And the boys in my life who made me tough as nails, I'm proud to call my brothers (including my own, Ethan). Those guys who taught me how to take a punch and deliver one, how to never back down from the good fight, how to hold on to what you believe in, and that quitting was never an option.

Today's lesson: never let go of that which has made you stronger.

Always remember to cherish, love, and protect those memories, because like time, they could just slip away.

Lessons Learned and More to Come

So here I am, looking at all of the colleges that I'm looking into on my computer, and then it hits me... Life as I know it will all be altered in less then a year from now; college visits tend to have that effect on a young student such as myself.

The way I see it is that soon everything will make sense, and my future will fall into place... right?

NO.

We all wish it was that easy, don't we. It's a process, not an automatic reset on your life. First, you have to consider your major (that was easy, psychology and sports management, want to be the best coach I can some day). Second, you have to know which college is best for you and your area of study (Keene, Franklin Pierce, Merrimack, St. A's). Third, making the trip to see these colleges and know which one suits you best. Last, but not least, the most terrifying part is applying. Some of you have known me to be an excelent writer, but when it comes to writing something that has to do with the future of my education, that's when it tends to come out sloppy.

For example (and please don't make the same mistake!) I was going into the SAT's, thinking I would breeze right through that 25 minute essay... And what did I end up doing instead? Brainstorming the prompt for 10 minutes, setting up the first two paragraphs for 10 minutes (I mean, come on! In a class room setting I'd be done by now!), and the rest, well... Let's just say I rambled on about how Dicky Eklund's immorale persona was somehow relatable to that of Osama Bin Ladin's (okay, cut me some slack, it was early and there was a thunderstorm that broke away most of my attention... and I was watching "The Fighter" while studying the night before, so Dicky was on the brain).

The point of all this is that it feels like it's getting harder to breath! Life seems so short now, and that degree seems even further away as the pressure of just getting into college seems as difficult as finding Bigfoot! So who's with me? We're only so young for so long, and this freedom that we have won't last forever. We should soak it all in before we're blown away with the wind.

This is the part where you have an epiphany, take a deep breath, and relax...

It will all be okay once you figure out that the fun doesn't have to stop just because you're education is going to go beyond what you learned in High School.

Hearts and Thoughts NEVER fade away

In light of recent events that have taken place, I have come to the realization that somethings in life are worth praying for. You wait around your whole life, thinking that nothing will ever change unless you make it happen. That's just it! You have to take that leap of faith and know that no matter how far that leap will take you, you'll end up somewhere on the other side of that rainbow... So I have written a poem, one of many that I shall write, this one having been inspired by an old flame and the fact that somethings will never change.

Rapids~~~
Love is ridiculously blinding;
it takes focus and time to understand,
while it takes away the rest of the focus and time you have in your life.

It's like trying to swim to the other side of a river with rapids;
you crave that which is on the other side,
but doubt that you'll make it out alive.

I can see you on the other side,
but you're too busy trying to find your own way out of the woods.
You can't see that I'm drowning.
You can't help me because you fear that you'll drown too and be swept of your path to finding your own way.
I'm not worried about drowning in these waters,
but worry that I will fade away with the current and be forgotten by you.

Love is dangerous, but if it means breaking the water's surface,
then I will strive and hold on to the rocks that keep me wishing,
waiting,
and praying you'll look over your shoulder long enough to realize I need saving.

Long enough to realize that we'll only make it out alive if we stay together.
I'm trying to swim through these deathly waters,
screaming for you,
my love,
but you can't hear me.

So let the rapids of love call you out,
begging you to jump in and save what was once ignored.
No matter where the river takes us,
we're both in it for the same reason...
For each other.

~For my "Guardian Angel", who held me in my dreams and inspired me to do so much more with my life... I love you, and always praying for you and always thinking of you. <3